A hungover and visibly sleep-deprived Suzanne Moore was awakened early this morning to sign for the delivery of a 15 metre wide, pink and white marquee designed for the hosting of traditional Indian wedding receptions, that she had no recollection of ordering.
Only upon consulting the attached invoice and noting the description ‘Pink & White Cotton Ceiling Wedding Tent’ did some kind of hazy memory begin to emerge.
“See, this is why I shouldn’t go online after Wine O’Clock,” explained Suzanne, while wondering if the Raj Tent Club website accepted returns. “Normally, I wouldn’t, unless I was doing some journalism on The Substack.
“But I’d forgotten my login details, and I was waiting for them to get back to me. Then Julie Bindel texted me something about a cotton ceiling that I should look into. So I went on The Google, and it turns out that lesbians are being sexually harassed, and there was a fire at a wedding in Mumbai, and it was all because of something called The Cotton Ceiling.
“I don’t remember getting my credit card out, but this kind of thing has happened before,” continued Suzanne, lighting a cigarette. “I remember once I was looking up some slang terms I had seen Graham Linehan use, and ended up accidentally purchasing an actual beard groomer.
“But what am I supposed to do with this giant thing? Maybe I had the idea of using it for a photoshoot or something?”
At time of press, Suzanne had decided that the tent would save her the trouble of hiring a gazebo for the launch of her forthcoming book about the silencing of gender critical feminists.