Gettr attracts influx of new users as Joe Rogan develops opposable thumbs

Hundreds of thousands of users have joined the pro-free speech Twitter alternative Gettr in the last week in a wave of social media migration widely credited to Joe Rogan recently developing opposable thumbs.

While having demonstrated a rudimentary grasp of language and social cues in his position as the world’s highest paid broadcaster, operation of podcasting equipment and the opening of jars of protein powder had previously been delegated to a rotating cast of assistants and interns.

However, during a recent interview with comedian Carrot Top, Rogan put his new appendages to use in an apparent display of social grooming, searching for and consuming bugs and mites in the comic’s trademark mop of ginger hair.

Evolutionary biologists were at a loss to explain the rapidity of Rogan’s evolution, although said such bursts of development were not unprecedented, citing certain gender critical feminist’s recently acquired ability to recognise their own reflection.

Gettr’s stock value jumped by 27% in the wake of Rogan’s first sequence of posts on the platform. Consisting entirely of several repetitions of the ‘fire’ emoji, as of press time it was unclear how literally these were intended.